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Posted By Discussion Topic: The Bittern Code

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GaryCantley
Jul-22-2007 @ 12:47 PM                           Permalink
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Those that were/are in the Royal Navy may have heard of “The Dolphin Code”, “The Falcon Code”, and “The Penguin Code”.

Dolphin code was used as a very informal way of submariners talking to surface ships and vice versa

Falcon code was for use with the Fleet Air Arm (WAFU’s) and the Penguin Code came about in 1982 when some of us went South to the Falklands.

I, along with another forumite, have come up with our own code, hereafter known as THE BITTERN CODE.

To use the code effectively, it is very simple. “Bittern 1A”, for example, is something that will very rarely be used to describe something that Roya has done.

There are some spares if others would like to make a suggestion. Please note though that suggestions must be passed through the committee, which will make the final decision.

The committee will meet as Table 22, as regularly as possible.



BITTERN (NBF) CODE

MANOEUVRING APPRECIATION/COMMENT

1. Your last mooring procedure was:
A. First class.
B. Surprisingly good.
C. Understandably awful.
D. Indescribable.

2. Your approach to the problem was impossible but tactically sound.

3. During the last action you displayed noticeably suicidal tendencies.

4. Once again you have demonstrated a commendable ability to practise basics.

5. You have the uncanny ability to complicate a very simple exercise.

6. The last mooring was so bad that we watched a double feature.

7. We think the water has been sufficiently churned up. Maybe you should try something else.

8. Missed me again.

9. Can I go home now?

10.  
A. Your bowthruster frightened me.
B. Your bowthruster didn’t frighten me.
C. I wasn’t aware you had a bowthruster
D: Whats a bowthruster

11. Your cruising instructions are simple. Simply awful.

12. It is difficult to believe that you and I are operating in the same river.

13 I am unable to act as evasively as I wish.

14. I am unable to act as unevasively as you wish.

15.  
A. Thank you for your valuable assistance.
B. Had assistance been rendered, I would have been thankful.
C. No, thank you, I do not require assistance.
D. Please do not render assistance, I need your help like a hole in the head.

16. We may be small but we’re slow.

17.  

18. Breaker one nine, this is Rubber Duck, I think we got us a convoy.

19. Ten Four
20.

EXCUSES

21. I blame Roya.

22. Reason(s) is (are) as follows:
A. I goofed.
B. Roya goofed.
C. Somebody goofed.
D. Inattention, for which some son-of-a-bitch will pay.
E. Temporary decline in usual high standards.
F. Another example of usual low standards.
G. I thought I could get away with it.
H. Misdirected malapropism.

23. I am speeding because:
A. I must make repairs.
B. I wish to bale out water.
C. Your chances of locating me are negligible otherwise.
D. I wish to get to The Maltsters for my next meal.

24. I must temporarily withdraw from being a stinkie because of difficulties with:
A. Technical systems which are to difficult to explain.
B. Battery/motors/generators, I no go right.
C. Too much noise, I no hear right.
D. Ingress of water, I no float right.
E. Fire/smoke, I no breathe right.
F. Personnel, I no lead right.

25. Please accept my apologies for failing to make the assigned rendezvous. My reason is as follows:
A. The navigator is from the Southern Rivers.
B. The navigator is from the Northern Rivers.
C. I was doing something else at the time and didn’t think you’d miss me.
D. I erroneously assumed that you would be where you said you would be.
E. My navigational equipment has not been updated since the Boer War.

26. My reports/reply/message/letter was (will be) late for the following reason(s):
A. Writer’s cramp.
B. Typewriter unserviceable due to overheating.
C. Carrier pigeons all died.
D. My priority list didn’t coincide with yours.
E. We didn’t think you’d notice.
F. I plain forgot.

27. I was delayed in returning inboard from my
trapeze because:
A. A large whale had eaten me.
B. I forgot to vent my wetsuit.
C. I wanted to annoy you.

28.
29.
30.

WEATHER/WATER CONDITIONS

31. What’s the weather like with you?

32. The weather is:
A. Sun cream required.
B. Souwester required.
C. Take a reef in the burgee.
D. Get the Quant out!
E. Scorchio!
F. Brass Monkies!.
G. All of the above! – A British summer’s day!

33. I suppose the worsening weather will mean you’ll have to stop your boat.

34. The adverse weather is affecting us:
A. Greatly - The DVD player has tipped over twice.
B. A lot – The Teapot’s gone AWOL.
C. A bit – Spilt my tea.
D. Yeee Haaa!

35. Is the Bridge passable?

36. The bridge is:
A. Passable (insert air draft if known)
B. Not passable (insert air draft if known)
C. I made it (insert air draft)
D. Try it and give us all a laugh!

37. Has anyone seen the Grass Monster?

38.
39
40.

SOCIAL INVITATIONS

41. If you provide the fresh water, I’ll provide:
A. Soap.
B. Towels.
C. 3 dirty bodies.
D. Whiskey.
E. All of the above.

42. My Helm and crew can out drink you and your crew.

43. R.P.C. for:
A. Noon cocktails.
B. Informal discussion.
C. Post-3 rivers race punchup.
D. Light meal and refreshments.
E. Sarnies and sludge.
F. Table 22

44. M.R.U. because:
A. I am otherwise engaged sailing.
B. I am otherwise socially committed.
C. Your last such event was disastrous.
D. I am unable to maintain your pace.
E. I don’t want to come.

45. W.M.P.:
A. You offer so few invitations I can’t afford to pass up this one.
B. Let’s do it again.
C. for a short time.
D. For as long as you’ll have me.
E. With bells on.

46. Your social event was:
A. First class. Thank you.
B. Disastrous, as expected.
C. One which should never be repeated.
D. Most detrimental to health.
E. A crashing bore. Better luck next time.

47. Unbelievable. Will advise Mr. Ripley.

48.
49.
50.

GENERAL COMMENTS

51.  
A. Very well done.
B. Well done.
C. Well done. Sort of.
D. Not well done.
E. Badly done.
F. Very badly done.
G. Don’t do it again.

52. Your message (thread/time ________):
A. Appears to have been drafted hastily.
B. Does little to foster good relations.
C. Is a shining example of illiteracy.
D. Is not held by this unit.
E. Is held by this unit, but we wish it wasn’t.
F. Requires the sort of reply I am not used to making.
G. Was a crippler.
H. B.O.H.I.C.A. (Bend over here it comes again).

53. Many thanks for:
A. Your kind hospitality.
B. The newspapers.
C. The tide times.
D. Nothing.

54. Broads Life is beautiful.

55. Deep down you know it makes sense.

56. Please be gentle, this is my first time.

57. When someone is as good as me it’s hard to be modest.

58. Sailies never cheat and rarely lie.

59. If you’re so good why aren’t you:
A. A Sailie?
B. A Stinkie?

60. Sailies do it with more wind.

61. Sailies think erratically.

62. Stinkies think linearly.

63. ________ are super.
A. Sailies?
B. Stinkies?
C. Canoeists

64. Sailies have bigger balls.

65. Sailies forever……and ever!

66. Stinkies United!

67. With friends like you, who needs enemies?

68. Happiness is on the end of a trapeze in a force 4.

69. What can I say?

70. Excuse me sir, but I think you have confused me with someone who gives a damn.

71. The only response open to me is to change my name to Roya.

72. My battery is:
100%, I will simulate a Richardsons Hirecraft with Stag weekend onboard if you wish.
B. 75%, I will simulate a Richardsons Hirecraft with Stag weekend onboard for a short time if you wish.
C. 50%, I will not simulate a Richardsons Hirecraft with Stag weekend onboard, regardless of your wish.
D. 25%, I wish to simulate a dayboat,
E. DEAD, I wish I was a sailie, regardless of your wish.

73. How much was your fuel bill for this trip?

74. Don’t knock a stern on mooring until you’ve overcooked one.

75. This mooring is:
A. Fantastic. Better not send stinkies here.
B. Outstanding. Can we come again?
C. Reasonable.
D. Not the sort of place sailies should visit.
E. Hostile.
F. Only good for storm avoidance.

76. Wish you were here.

77. Bet you wish you were here.

78. Glad you’re not here.

79. My fuel bill was:
A. Ouch!
B. Who cares I’m afloat.
C. What bill? Wind’s free!

80.

ABUSE

81. I presume you got your boat in a raffle.

82. I was unaware that medical standards had been revised. You must be blind as a bat.

83. When we were stinkies we also used to do silly things.

84. It’s a pity that in wartime we’d be on the same side.

85. Intelligence is a God-given gift. Doorknobs are man-made. Mental midgets only have God’s love. Is my point clear?

86. After working with you I now realise why some animals eat their young.

87. My bite is worse than my bark.

88. G.O.Y.A.

89. B.U.F.F.S.

90. P.P.P.P.P.P.

91. Grump!

92 Scared
93 Confused
94 Blush
95 Cheers
96 lol
97 Evil Grin

98.

99. HELP!
A. Call Police/CoastGuard/BA/anyone who can get me out of this mess!
B. I need a tow.
C. I need medical assistance.
D. Run out of beer – emergency resupply required!
E. Run out of Tonic – emergency resupply required!


Gary.
Fat bloke in bright yellow buoyancy aid.

This message was edited by GaryCantley on Jul-29-07 @ 10:03 PM

Rondonay
Jul-22-2007 @ 1:04 PM                           Permalink
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GENIUS!!!
Pure Genius!!! Smile

BITTERN 51A


Must finish set of signal flags!!!!
Pauline

'Stop it you silly ass!' cried the Rat from the bottom of the boat 'You can't do it! You'll have us over!'

This message was edited by Rondonay on Jul-22-07 @ 2:32 PM

roya
Jul-22-2007 @ 3:38 PM                           Permalink
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Very Large Note to NEW BIG Black Book.

OH Boy,
  Evil Grin

roya

Grump.

    

gill
Jul-22-2007 @ 3:51 PM                           Permalink
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That was soooooooooooooooooooooo funny, Gary.

Must have taken you ages to dream up!

As someone I know would say - spot on!



Tarmacsoftee
Jul-22-2007 @ 4:22 PM                           Permalink
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BITTERN 31 ?

Have you been forced to stay indoors today Gary?

Have to agree though, BITTERN 51A.

You do realise though that everyone will have to keep refering to the list. Will it be available to download  Smile


Nige.


_____________________________
“It is good to have an end to journey towards......but it`s the journey that matters in the end”. "(Ursula K LeGuin)"


GaryCantley
Jul-22-2007 @ 4:46 PM                           Permalink
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GaryCantley
          

Nige,

I did try to attach a copy as .doc and .pdf.

Both times I was getting the martini message, as soon as I removed the attachment it posted.

Will attempt to post a downloadable copy soon

Oh, 32G in response to your question LOL



Gary.
Fat bloke in bright yellow buoyancy aid.

johnm
Jul-22-2007 @ 6:34 PM                           Permalink
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GC

BZ! BITTERN 51A - 55 - 54

Guys,

Until GC manages to post a doc it's probably easiest just to cut and paste it into Word.

ENJOY THE FUN Evil Grin

BITTERN 37

John

Sailies for ever.....and ever!

Tarmacsoftee
Jul-22-2007 @ 6:50 PM                           Permalink
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May I submit a suggestion?
To be passed by the committee and the next meeting of course, from under table 22.

Suggestion to be considered:-
  
63. ________ are super.
   A. Sailies?
   B. Stinkies?
C. Canoeists?

I know there is not many on here, possibly 3 at the last count, but I feel that I must speak up for the minority. I would be very grateful if the committee would pass this ammendment.

Nige.


_____________________________
“It is good to have an end to journey towards......but it`s the journey that matters in the end”. "(Ursula K LeGuin)"


Rondonay
Jul-22-2007 @ 7:07 PM                           Permalink
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quote:"......
BITTERN 37
......."



Probably resting, BITTERN 91 donated this weekend's beer money to the forum.


Pauline

'Stop it you silly ass!' cried the Rat from the bottom of the boat 'You can't do it! You'll have us over!'

Rondonay
Jul-22-2007 @ 7:11 PM                           Permalink
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If we start msg on the river with a  B flag, for bittern?
Don't actually need flag, peeps could cut and paste messages & print like the logo. A few prepared pre-holiday could be 'shown' at need.

http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/signal/

Pauline

'Stop it you silly ass!' cried the Rat from the bottom of the boat 'You can't do it! You'll have us over!'

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