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Posted By Discussion Topic: Norms Latest Venture!

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ptg
Jul-23-2016 @ 7:49 PM                           Permalink
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I realise that there has been a huge clamour amongst members for an update on Norm since his recent release from the Blolfield Heath State Penitentiary following his custodial sentence for a number of serious offences including “Interfering with a Weasel in a Public Place (x4) and “Fishing without a Licence in the Presence of a Water Bailiff (x475)”.
Well thankfully I can now report that Norm is on his way to full rehabilitation under the supervision of the local Probation Service and (as a condition of his prison release licence)has formed a new limited company:- Ninja Norms Boat Cleaning Services.
This is an extremely prestigious operation using the latest hi tech boat valeting equipment imported from our Caledonian cousins that guarantees your GRP and Fenders will glisten like “Grasshoppers Head” for years to come!!. Yes I can formally introduce the “Skirl a Vac” an ingenious device that utilizes the dynamic properties of the Scottish Bagpipe to deliver a highly concentrated solution targeting the usual nasties that can discolour your GRP eg Heron Guano, Maggot Innards and Spider Blood etc!!
This machine may resemble a mere bagpipe (well err it actually is one as Norm bought it on a drunken escapade from a car boot sale in theTrossachs!!) but in reality it is a highly sophisticated machine comprising of the usual hide bag and drone pipes but connected (via a length of pig gut) to a special chamber made entirely of sheep’s bladder that delivers the special solution ( a hideous concoction of Highland Cattle Widdle, Thistle Juice and rancid Youngers Tartan Bitter!!)
Alas the first deployment of this device (on a Broom 55) was, shall we say, less than successful, as there was a serious malfunction caused by a blockage of newt spawn in the said inlet pipe.
Unfortunately by the time Norm had realised that there was a fatal increase of pressure building up it was too late to react and the resultant explosion was heard as far away as Dereham (although most of the residents in that benighted town were convinced that this was divine intervention and therefore started chucking turnips at each other in a state of deleterious excitement!!). And to make matters worse the halfwit on the boat in the adjoining mooring (a half stoned chisel faced hippy wearing a Corbynista T Shirt in a Norman 21) was so concerned by the cacophony that he mistakenly thought that Donald Trump had pushed the button and therefore dialled 999,s!! Five minutes later the Squadron of Eurofighters dispatched from RAF Coningsby soared overhead in a classic V formation in a determined effort to demonstrate their military prowess.  But the pilots had the last cackle!!

Yes the downdraught from these supersonic machines caused such surface water turbulence that the wretched little craft was turned turtle and promptly sank, and in a final act of ignominy the skipper was last seen bobbing down the Bure in his inflatable Jesus sandals clutching a Bong warbling “Give Peace a Chance”!!

Despite this early setback Norm is fully guaranteeing all future jobs and  encouraging bookings ( at special Brexit Discount Rates!!) on his website below:-

www. Ninjanormsboatcleaninservicesguarenteedtomeltyourgrpyoupoorsap.com


I,m a Posh Boy now I own a swanky Gin Palace!

If your sort pass me on the river you have my permission to “parp” in my general direction !!.
Paul


This message was edited by ptg on Jul-23-16 @ 7:51 PM

TerryTibbs
Jul-23-2016 @ 8:45 PM                           Permalink
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Oh so contrary to popular rumour your not dead then having commited lisamphibiacide after the mighty Toon were returned to Football league?

Dave
p.s. I wish Norm all the best in his latest venture, I just hope he's not leaving the finances to you!!!!!

Playful Wink

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ptg
Jul-23-2016 @ 8:52 PM                           Permalink
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Dave
I wouldn,t get too cocky,Norm is just applying the "special solution"to your hull as we speak!!

Glug Glug!!

I,m a Posh Boy now I own a swanky Gin Palace!

If your sort pass me on the river you have my permission to “parp” in my general direction !!.
Paul

TerryTibbs
Jul-23-2016 @ 8:54 PM                           Permalink
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Damn I wondered what that scratching was, how you keeping, not seen you in the Yare this year are you frequenting the wine bar at yourMarina nowadays?

Dave

Je suis Charlie

ptg
Jul-23-2016 @ 9:02 PM                           Permalink
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To be fair the Yare has gone downhill a bit although i stll pop in.I tend to go across and moor at Coldham Hall these days
I,m down next Saturday for a few days if you are about.
paul

I,m a Posh Boy now I own a swanky Gin Palace!

If your sort pass me on the river you have my permission to “parp” in my general direction !!.
Paul

TerryTibbs
Jul-23-2016 @ 9:04 PM                           Permalink
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We should be but then again we should have been down this weekend until some silly *rs* poured a saucepan of boiling water on his own foot!

Dave Cheers

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ptg
Dec-22-2016 @ 9:45 PM                           Permalink
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Well Dave,

Not crowing now are we!!

The mighty Magpies  top of the tree at Christmas whilst the Canaries are suffering their usual bout of Avian Flu and hurtling towards the Wheel Tappers and Shunters League!!

Hawaay the lads!!

And as for Norm, watch this space!! A Christmas Tale beckons and it aint pretty!!Sam Peckinpah eat your heart out!!

I,m a Posh Boy now I own a swanky Gin Palace!

If your sort pass me on the river you have my permission to “parp” in my general direction !!.
Paul


This message was edited by ptg on Dec-22-16 @ 8:52 PM

TerryTibbs
Dec-22-2016 @ 10:20 PM                           Permalink
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The Canaries?????? I'll have you know I support the mighty Blades, who after a rather slow start are now the inform team in the dizzying heights of League 1, we may well be playing the Toon again next year. ;-)

I look forward to hearing of Norms latest exploits.


Dave

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BuffaloBill
Dec-23-2016 @ 10:19 AM                           Permalink
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Thanks for that Paul! What a refreshing post to the way
the drink driving one has gone.
Merry Xmas, but not too Merry  Playful

The older I get...
The better I was....!!


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